Overcoming a Cinderella Image

The Lord has been working on my heart this morning during my quiet/Bible time…particularly with self-image…Why are we so eager to accept and embrace negative thoughts towards ourselves? Willing to form and hold on to negative destructive self-talk and inner dialogue that if we were ever to utter out loud or hear someone else talk this way we would be shocked by what we heard. I am quick to try to encourage or correct a friend or acquaintance if I hear them talking bad about themselves and yet my self-talk goes unchecked...and could really use a pep-talk itself. Can you relate?

                                                                                                                                                         

“I think therefore I am” is a saying that many of us have heard before and it holds a tremendous amount of truth. What you think about and dwell on consequently becomes who and what you are. Wise words…and humbling if we will believe them. What we think about the most becomes our reality. If you were to record your thoughts and then list them out…what patterns would you see? Would they be positive, uplifting? Or would they be full of negative self-criticism? Our self-perception can often become skewed towards the nit-picky parts about what we hate when we think or look at ourselves. We focus and dwell on our faults and preconceived weaknesses, ugly words forming over our heart, words that we would never think of saying to someone else…so why to do we so eagerly pick ourselves apart and embrace and encourage self-hatred through our inner dialogue?

This is especially pertinent if we are Christians because this is anything but the way that God sees us.

Numbers 13:31-33 is a prime example of how our self-perception effects our lives by either limiting us or liberating us. The Israelite's were instructed to scout out the Promise Land that they were to takeover, a land that God lead them to. But the report is interesting. Despite the God that lead them out of Egypt and had been providing for these people time and time again, the Israelite's continued to adopt a poor opinion of themselves. Focusing on what they weren’t capable of and even verbally calling themselves “grasshoppers” in comparison to the giants of the land and the seemingly impossible feat that they would have to confront and overcome.

I couldn’t help but ask myself, why do I choose a grasshopper mindset? Choosing to focus on self-image, breaking me down piece by piece, focusing on what I don’t like about myself or what I believe I am not…and ultimately defining what I am…belittled. I need to take ownership of my thought patterns. Becoming aware of them is not enough, it is a battle and you have to consciously and intentionally choose to fight day in and day out. Replacing the negative thoughts and lies as quickly as they come with God’s life giving and positive truth so that they have no place to anchor and take root. Some days this is easy and other days it is the hardest fight of my life to overcome.

I battle this from time to time and am reminded of this when my husband compliments me when I am in a state of  perceived rawness…think yoga pants, unwashed face, no makeup and hair in that awkward in between haircut/growing out stage. Why do I cringe inside when he tells me that I’m beautiful? Sometimes I even cringe on the outside, quickly looking away or bury my face in his embrace where I can mumble a muffled almost inaudible “thanks” at his words. A quick transition to move on from that moment. I choose to brush it aside, to downplay his words. Why can’t I see myself the way that Ben looks at me? I am lying to myself when I try to convince myself that it’s just being “humble” when really it’s because there is a dark stronghold of insecurity and fear that is trying to root itself over my heart…those weeds of self-doubt, holding on to my heart, choking out the love and truth of how my husband sees me, how God sees me, who God made me to be. I do so long to be able to embrace and see myself this way rather than defining myself to standards of beauty that the world has embraced. However accidental I repeatedly place my self-worth on the physical and material aspects of myself rather than on what I am made of and who I am and especially who I am in Christ. We are the image and glory of God (1 Corinthians 11:7), that is how He created us to be, in His image (Gen 1:27). I don’t think it is very glorifying to God when we are finding faults with how God formed us. It isn’t glorifying to embrace the lies of the enemy rather than to embrace the truths of the Creator.

There is a scene from the 2015 film, “Cinderella” that replays in my mind. It is after her stepmother and stepsisters have teased her about her appearance/dirty from the cinders after sleeping by the fire to keep warm, and so her soot covered face and they come up with a nickname for her. This nickname is used and adopted with such regularity that it replaces her real name and becomes the very title for the story. Shortly after this nickname is used, Cinderella then catches a glimpse of herself in a copper pot, staring at her reflection that is warped from the smudges and dings in the pots surface, and yet she is overcome in that moment and only sees herself as this warped projected image shows, the words of her stepsisters ringing so loudly that they block out the truth of who and what she is.

Throughout the Bible there are numerous examples of where the Lord gives people new names… Abram becomes Abraham and Sarai his wife becomes Sarah (Genesis 17:5, 15), in John chapter 1, Simon becomes Peter. Each name has a meaning, the old self and the new self. The old worldly image that is replaced by the new image that God has assigned and given us. 

Just imagine if Abraham or Sarah or Peter refused to accept their new name and new and true identity that Christ established for them...

Why do we use warped and dinged pots as our looking glass and mirrors rather than looking at ourselves through a clear mirror, a mirror gifted to us by God, a mirror of Truth that is available to look at every time we open His word and allow that light to penetrate our hearts and to light up our true image.

What would you feel if you were to let go of those lies and cling to how your Heavenly Father sees you?

What grasshopper views are you accepting and proclaiming over your life? What ways are you clinging to those dinged, dirty and warped copper pots? Are you clinging to the old rather than embracing the new image that Christ has established for you? I want to adopt the identity that God wants me to embody don’t you? Let’s replace the lies with truth, call out those negative thought patterns and replace them with God’s truth and then perhaps slowly but steadily we can begin to see ourselves as God sees us, with an accurate, clean reflection.

A Prayer:

Dear Lord, help me to see myself as you see me, a clear reflection of your creation. Open my heart to receive and feel the truth of who you have made me and please help me to embrace my self perceived imperfections and rather see them as you do. I want to give you my best but I also want to give you my imperfections and insecurities to work as well. Help me to embrace how and who you have designed me to be and use these things as you see fit. Thank you for my strengths and my imperfections for they all make me unique, a one of a kind masterpiece. You are such an amazing Father and I am so grateful for this life that you have given me. In your glorious name I pray.

Quick and Easy 30 Minute Yeast Dinner Rolls

30 minutes and counting! That's how much time I realized I had before Ben would be home for dinner. Not very much time to make the original bread that I had planned...so on to plan B with just enough time to make some quick rolls. Ben loves his carbs...he is a bread and butter kind of man through and through and it can be a struggle keeping bread on the counter or in the house for that matter....the struggle is real people!!! Can anyone else relate to this?

We have at least reached a great communication milestone when it comes to "bread low" alerting. He has been doing great with letting me know before we run out of bread. That way I usually have time to whip up a batch of (my favorite) Dutch oven artisan bread or a french loaf or in this case...dinner rolls so as to avoid going to the store for the dreaded basic sliced store bought kind.

I am not opposed to the convenience of the grocery store but I love to provide wholesome, preservative free food for the table as often as possible...For one thing, who doesn't like the smell of fresh baked bread in their home and for another in this case with these rolls you don't have to sacrifice time to get quality...so here we go!

Ingredients:

2 Tbsp Active Yeast (not rapid rise)

3 1/2 Cups Flour

2 Tbsp Olive Oil

1- 1 1/8 Cups room temp or lukewarm water

3 Tbsp sugar or honey

(Optional- butter for brushing over the top of the rolls after baking)

1/2 tsp salt

1 egg 

Instructions:

In a large bowl add the water and stir in the sugar or honey until dissolved and then sprinkle in the yeast evenly over the top of the water. Let the yeast begin to activate and become foamy (5-10 minutes)

Stir in the oil, salt and egg  with a fork.

Add 1 cup of flour at a time...When you are approaching the last cup of flour I usually will use my hand at this point to mix the dough. Use the bowl or a floured surface to begin to kneed the dough for a minute or two. You want the dough to be a little tacky but NOT sticky. You may need to add a little bit of flour or water as needed.

Let rest and rise for a little bit (about 5-10 minutes)

Pull pieces of dough and divide evenly (should be 12-15 rolls), then using your hands roll each piece of dough into a ball and place evenly spaced apart on a non-stick cooking/baking sheet. Cover with a clean dish towel and let rest and rise for another 5-10 minutes

 

While the dough is rising preheat the oven to 400 degrees and make sure to adjust to bake on the center/middle rack.

Bake rolls for about 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned. I turned my baking sheet around halfway through because my oven cooks a little unevenly.)

After you have removed from the oven, you can opt in to brush the tops with a little butter...but I opted out of this butter option for two reasons...It's obviously healthier not to and it doesn't really add to the flavor and you can always butter your bread for your dinner if you want. Ben said he didn't miss the butter either.

Eet Smakelijk!

It’s in the little things…

It is always in the little things. Those little gestures that mean so much...often undervalued, more often overlooked.

 

“Flowers for my flower”, he said gently. He then drew from behind his back and presented me with a beautiful bouquet, bright plums and yellows offset by his dark shirt and shades of green surrounding foliage. I had to struggle not to dismissing this gesture, categorizing it as "corny" because it was anything but. This is our own story, a real moment filled with alstroemeria, hydrangea, spider mums and lilies surrounded by a gentle shush of greens and architectural eucalyptus …fragrant, bright, brilliant…almost overshadowing the gleam in his eye, proudly beaming, eager for my acceptance of this offering…”What is this for?” I asked, wondering if he knew something that I didn’t…”Because I love you” he replied. And that is enough…enough to make me swim into his shirt folds, and cling tightly, to open my heart a little more and allow. Allow love to pour in, to overwhelm me…I should allow more often…it feels wonderful. These are the moments when I question my walls…walls that we all have built in various ways for various reasons. But, I am working on this and eagerly, for although I have had time and experience with setting up my heart fortress…carefully constructing bricks of independence, distance, determination and career (to name a few) to build a lovely shield for that vulnerable life pumping muscle… Until now…now when I realize that it is time, time to disassemble a part of that wall and allow a doorway that is always open to receive and even more readily open to give.

I am ready, to the opening of my eyes to a yellow light-filled room, warmth, home…peace. So this is what peace feels like, a quieted world that moments ago was filled to overflowing with sounds and electric energy, of hellos and goodbyes, of busyness and urgency, laughter and dancing. I gaze eager to soak in and cherish every last detail like jewels inset into crowns of gold. Linen folds and the quiet whirring of the man-made AC unit, the pleasant sound of the one you love, “resting his eyes” as he calls it, for just "one" minute. Content to let him take all the time in the world…our world. A world that belongs to us in these moments. Granting us a pass to enjoy time, frozen, like blocks of ice stacked in rows of memories. Like those linen creases, I will tuck these memories into my heart folds.

I don’t want my perspective to change…to let tarnish set in, staining the luster that love lets shine, our own reflections shining back at us upon that surface. 

I don’t want to stop doing the little things, or noticing and allowing the little things, the in between moments of every day…They are brilliantly displayed like this gift of petals sitting on a wooden table, reminding me of what I will allow.

Thank you my love, for this reminder.
~ H.

365 days, 365 sketches

365 days, 365 drawings, 365 days of pen, graphite or brush to paper. Doodles, ideas and pictures captured in exhausted moments of haste, other days filled with careful unhurried ease giving these pictures the time they desired. A year filled with days of loving to sketch a picture a day and other days where I simply tolerated this idea, trudging forward on others. I staying on top of the daily task for many of those days and I would spending a weekend catching up on others. 365 reasons to smile as I flip through a year later and gaze upon these wrinkled and worn pages... 

Grace was needed throughout this journey. Trying so hard not to have too many expectations or rules other than that there needed to be put down for every day.

A goal that when I started I was unsure of if I was capable of achieving...so much ahead of me...so little behind, but as one drawing became two and pages filled, thickened watercolor warped pages behind, clean, crisp and new pages waiting for me ahead...looking at how far I had come helped me to continue forward, drawing after drawing, page after page.

 

 A visual diary of one significant moment of that day that I felt needed capturing.

And now, I have this beautiful visual diary capturing some of the most significant moments of my life in a way that is so personal. I will cherish this journey. It has taken me over a week to even feel the urge to put ideas and pictures in my head and translate them to paper... Perhaps I needed the rest, to take the time to enjoy this achievement and goal completion before hastily attempting another goal...the time needed as a right of passage. Giving respect to the time taken and the time I am beginning. Time...what a glorious gift.

Goals

Less than a week into the New Year and with it I have been seeing and hearing so much excitement about the idea of "it's time for a brand new year and a brand new you". 

I love this idea but it seems SO drastic...Here's the thing, I don't want to be a whole new me...I have worked very hard all of my life to figure out who I am...what I am made of...and how FAR I have come! It has taken me 30+ years and I am just beginning to tap into the foundation and heart of what makes me who I am...That in and of itself is an accomplishment and something that should be celebrated.

Yes I want to improve and make changes that I think will better me (be they physical, emotional, spiritual) but so often with goals I think that people get overwhelmed when they look forward at how far they have to go. The beginning of a journey means that you are at the starting line...while we are beginning new journeys and goals, in those moments when we feel scarred, overwhelmed or discouraged it's okay to look back and celebrate just how far you have come! We need to take the time to celebrate the fact that we have and are continuing to move forward.

I can understand why so much emphasis is put on physical goals...it is easy to see physical  results when your body loses weight or your skin clears up from diet and exercise, but what about setting goals where the milestones are harder to measure and thus harder to celebrate? The intangible goals like, self-confidence, one's character or compassion?

Goals can lead to incredible things and are important and it is equally important to examine your true motives behind making a goal...I have to admit that I have totally made goals for the sake of making them...it made me feel significant, important...So, the question that I have to ask myself (and you) is this: is the goal that you are making actually beneficial or is it a more of "busy" goal? A second and very important question to ask is the WHY behind a goal...I have taken on goals that when I look back on it while in the short term, they allowed me to accomplish and check off a box making me feel like I am living a life full of significance, in the long term, it actually distracted me from accomplishing a deep seeded desire and "bigger" more complicated goal...One(s) that might subconsciously have been put off for reasons of fear, discouragement or past derailments?

Lara Casey brought up a few questions for her #2016GOALSETTING to further examine your goals... or GOAL CHECK as she put it. Her few questions confirmed the convictions that have been building in my heart and on my mind:

Will this goal help me to cultivate what matters most?

- Where do I want to be when I’m 80 years old, and will this goal help me get there? 

- Does this goal also help other people?

- WHY do I want to make this goal happen? Am I desiring this goal for the right reasons, or am I striving for “perfect”—or whatever I’ve been chasing?

The other thought and desire that comes to mind for me this year is that I want to make goals that are bigger than myself! Isn't it amazing how when we include others into our plans or the bigger equation it increases one's drive and accountability to continue on, to meet them for that coffee, phone or exercise date? I have found that it can be that extra little push to stay on track, whether that is by having an accountability buddy or adopting a cause or organization that will also benefit and helps you feel that you are apart of something greater. Something more meaningful and important...and here's the thing...

You ARE!

In a land that is so "me Me ME!" focused, we need to surround and connect ourselves to a bigger community.

Remember, 
If you ever need a helping hand,
You will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older,
You will discover that you have two hands,
One for helping yourself,
And the other for helping others.
~ Audrey Hepburn

I can't begin to count the number of goals and New Year resolutions that I have set for myself...that were strictly for myself alone.
This year I will become apart of something bigger, I will find more goals that involve a heart that is people oriented... a little less of me and a bit more you. 

I have to say that I am excited to see where this leads.

Three Lessons Learned

What an incredible year 2015 has been... so much growth, joy, challenges and oh what do you call that again? Oh, right that thing called life! Throw in some laughter, faith and prayer and a willingness to learn and you have what I would call a VERY full and successful year.

(I love being back home in the Pacific Northwest!!!)

Back in May (of this year), I tied the knot to my wonderful best friend. Planning a long distance wedding while Ben balanced career changes and finishing up his degree (Good job Babe!) and then unexpectedly moving back to the Pacific Northwest has certainly been a monumental year for me as individual and for us as a couple. It's hard to believe that we have already been married 7 months (and 2 days) because in my mind it feels like only a few months.

With only a day and a half left in this year and 2016 quickly approaching, it's that time for many (myself included) to reflect back on the year and look forward to the novelty and hope that is carried in by the new year. It is a time to celebrate, a time to hope, a time to improve in one way or another...Hooray for #2016GOALSETTING !

I am following Lara Casey's blog she posts some interesting questions from her book Make it Happen that I have really been enjoying diving into. Because of the move, I have recently found myself unemployed but I love that Lara is always inviting you to follow along with her and others regardless of if you have her book or her power sheets. She encourages you to use a notebook or whatever you have available to follow along in your own way. So I created this notebook to record many of my responses to the questions that she posts:

One of the questions that she brings up is to write down Three Lessons Learned from this last year (2015) that DID work, and three lessons that DID NOT work.

The Three Lessons that I learned from last year that Did Work:

1. God Time
This has had so much value in shaping my year morning by morning. Finding time to carve out or make time in my schedule delving into the Word has been a slow process but has been revealing a deeper and more permanent groove into the necessity of my mornings. I had played around with various times in the day and have found out the very first part of my mornings immersed into the Bible or a Bible study and message, this always, always, ALWAYS sets a positive tone to my day.

2. Being Present
It is so easy to get caught up in the "quicker and faster is better because then we can fit in MORE" mentality...this idea is very much supported by society, with readily access to "everything" phones and technologies that "connect" us in so many ways...allowing us to multitask and do more, or the vehicles that allow us to work or run errands miles away from home. This last year I have really been finding value in putting down the phone, turning off the TV or shutting off the computer...and giving people my FULL attention. Connecting with them, giving them the courtesy of eye contact and listening to hear what they are saying rather than listening for a way that I can respond to what they are sharing. There has been a learning curve for me...my listening skills certainly were a little rusty at times but I am so happy that I have been learning give someone one of the most valuable things that I have to offer...my time.

3. Letting go of the "I deserve" mentality
So in a nutshell (and I still have a long way to go with this) I am so happy that I have gained awareness to the presence that this "I deserve" mentality has tried to have in my life. I hear and read this "You Deserve It" idea so much! Advertisements in magazines, online, in commercials... You work hard, you should treat yourself...you deserve it, so buy this ______ (fill in the blank) because you earned it. When I fall into this thought pattern after "splurging" whether it be a coffee or an article of clothing, I would quickly find how short lived that feeling of happiness was. For example, when I would give in to that "You deserve a sweet yummy cookie because you worked out so hard" voice, this time and time again only left me feeling frustrated and derailed emotionally and physically.

The Three Lessons that I learned from what DIDN'T Work:

1. Mind numbing
Everyone needs down time... to rest and rejuvenate but there are positive/productive and negative/unproductive ways such as, going for a walk which allows me to relax and reflect vs. watching tv which only makes me want to eat snacks and that can easily slip into hours of which after I manage to walk away, I only feel empty and agitated.

2. Not having an edit button when I speak
Saying the first thing that comes to your mind when responding to someone is often times not the best way to go... Speak out of love not feelings

3. Leaving no time for creative play and exploration
I get grumpy...enough said.


So, what are some lessons that you have learned from that did or did not work?



P.S. Laura Casey is doing a wonderful giveaway that you should check out on her blog!